Heartfelt Honesty is Dead

   It seems like the only place truth is heard anymore is buried in online posts that no one will ever see because we aren’t allowed to be honest anymore. I’m willing to bet no one will read this if I make a few statements up front.

  1) I am Christian. I don’t choose to be, it is just what I am. I can no more decided not to be Christian than someone can decide not to be gay. I’m not one of those Christians that goes around trying to change people into my image, I’m not affiliated with any organized religion, I do not follow the stereotypes that people try to foist on me because I believe in God. Believe it or not, it is entirely possible to be an independent, free thinker, and believe in a higher power. When people ask my religion, I say Christian Existentialist and wait for the blank stare.

   2) I believe people make their own lives and that we have to live with our bad decisions. I’ve made some really bad decisions and will pay my dues the rest of my life. That does not mean I get to medicate the pain away so don’t suggest I go see a doctor for happy pills. I’ve tried them, they just made it easier to hide the way I feel, but didn’t solve a single problem.

  3) I have a chronic illness, it is genetic, not contagious, not in my head, not easily controlled, and not wiped away with three raisins in a shot of gin or by getting the nightshades out of my diet. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

   My life is perfect. I have a nice husband, nice kids, a nice dog, a nice car, live in a safe neighborhood, travel the world, and I don’t have to be gainfully employed. I do all the things I am supposed to do. I have the American Dream, and I hate it. 


2 thoughts on “Heartfelt Honesty is Dead

  1. Interesting post. There are all kinds of Christian paths out there. Yours sounds intriguing. 🙂

    Yes, we have to live with outcomes from our decisions, good and bad. For example, if I choose to make a birdhouse and hit my thumb with the hammer, I live with the bruise until it heals. Simple example for a complex life. But, that doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself mentally or emotionally for past mistakes. Learn, grow, and forgive yourself. Not sure if you’re doing doing the guilt/ shame thing but you mentioned happy pills and posted this under depression. I thought it might be possible. We learn not to repeat the same mistakes.

    My mom has RA. Very hard to live with.

    Bright blessings.

    1. Thanks for the reply Lydia! I’m not really sure what I’m doing, but typing about it seems to help 🙂 I will get back to my religion in the next few posts. My journey is a strange one and I’d love to find like minded people someday. My best to your mother. RA poses social challenges I never could have dreamed of, far beyond just dealing with pain and doctors. It has been an interesting ride!

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